| what cures insomnia? |
[Aug. 9th, 2008|12:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
exhaustion... the weight of not having a day off for as far as the eyes can see is taking its toll on me.
im starting to wonder if i took on more than i can handle... i think i'll be okay im just not sure when im going to see people outside of my house. i just need to adjust. right now i feel like my brain is leaking out of my ears and my days are soaring past me when in reality they are crawling underneath me. i went to work today thinking it was sunday... my grip on time and occurences seems to be very weak right now and that bothers me more than i care to admit. i cant remember simple things and i feel very very clumsy... but i am sleeping more each night than i have in the past few weeks and i almost never have bad dreams because i simply pass out. that at least is a nice break.
im trying to stay positive and to not be grumpy around geoff because he doesnt like when he cant fix my problems. and i really do like my new job but im just not sure how im going to handle everything... it seems like so much. |
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| sleep |
[Aug. 1st, 2008|03:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
it should be much easier than this... it was only a few weeks ago when this daily occurrence happened with ease.
now. almost every night... read until my eyes wont read any more. lay still. cuddle next to geoff. rollover. cuddle next to kiva. rollover. back. side. stomach. side. yawn. read. rollover. toss. turn. stare at the dark ceiling. listen to geoff snore. toss. turn. force my eyes to stay closed. sleep. dream. wake up. repeat. all night. until i cant take it any more.
what happened? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2008|08:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
this is me freaking out...
and i dont know how to fix my life |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2007|08:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
i miss my friends. i think im done being sick it can go away now. please. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2007|06:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wheatus | ] |
ok so, so far my plan for this week has been pretty much unsuccessful.
i havent:
found a new job
quit my job
cleaned my room
researched getting an interview with a special event coordinator
gone to the museum
caught up on school work
but i DID:
stay up with Geoff talking <3
get sick
talked to my teacher about getting a wf in math and he said probably not
hung out with friends :)
annnnd Aaron fixed my laptop. yay!
i am now mobile...sorta. i just have to buy a new battery
overall not a bad week and its only Wednesday
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| filled this out almost 2 years ago lest see how it changed |
[Nov. 4th, 2007|05:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
100 THINGS.... repost this with your answers:
(its really only 99)
::PAST::
1: First grade teacher:
Mrs. Howl
2: Last word you said:
bye
3: Last song you sang:
aint no use in complaining, when you got a job to do... i dont know the name just that one lyric =/
4: Last person you hugged:
ricky
5: ? still dont know what this question is
6: Last time you said I don't remember:
just now but in my head, does that count?
::PRESENT::
9: What color socks are you wearing:
None
10. What's under your bed right now?
a box
11: What time did you wake up today:
7:30 stupid work
12: Current taste:
mmmm coffee :)
13: Current hair:
up some icky color
15: Current annoyance:
not having a voice
16: Current longing:
my brother to stay one more day
17:current desktop background
some guy with a tank behind him... idk geoffs computer
18: Current worry:
money
19: Current Hate:
my job and my math class
20: Current favorite article of clothing:
my new jamies from costco that i bought during the fire
21: Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex:
eyes
22: Last cd you listened to:
a burned weatus cd because the rock my socks :D
23: Favorite place to be:
home with geoff
24: Least favorite place:
my math class because its totally pointless
25: Time you wake up in the morning?:
Mon, Tues:6:30 Wed: 10ish Thurs, Fri: 6:30 Sat: depends usually 11ish Sun: 7:30 latest
27: Favorite color(s):
black, grey
28: Do you believe in an afterlife:
yes
30: Current favorite word/saying:
i eat your brains to gain you knowledge... its been stuck in my head
31: Favorite book:
anything that makes me think or takes me away. same.
32: Favorite season(s):
Winter
33: One person you wish u could talk to right now:
a few
::FUTURE::
35: Where do you want to go for college?:
i dont even know anymore
36: What is your career going to be like:
i dont even know anymore
37: How many kids do you want:
2
::HAVE YOU EVER...::
39: Said "I love you" and meant it (besides family):
yes
40: Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird, etc:
my cat hates me :/
41: Been to New York:
No
42: Been to Florida:
yes
43: Been to California:
nope never but i hear its real nice
44: Been to Hawaii:
yes
45: Been to Mexico:
yes
46: Been to China:
No
48: Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day?:
i dont think so but ive dreamed really mediocre things that happened the next day
52: Do you have a crush on someone:
yes i do :D
53: What book are you reading:
the bell jar
54: What is the worst feeling in the world:
not being able to help someone
55:What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning:
meh
56: How many rings before you answer:
however many it takes me to get to my phone
59: Do you sleep with a stuffed animal:
just geoff
64: Do you do drugs?:
yes
65: Do you drink:
yes
67: What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use?
whatever
68: What are you most scared of:
i dont have any big ones right now
69: What clothes do you sleep in?
my bday suit or underwear and a tank top unless i get cold
70: Who is the last person that called you:
my mom
71: Where do you want to get married?:
somewhere green
72: If you could change one thing about yourself what would that be:
my body
73. Who do you hate?
no one really but some people really really piss me off
74: Been In Love:
Yes.
75: Are you timely or always late:
eh both depending on what
76: Do you have a job:
yes
77: Do you like being around people?:
It depends with who, and the situation
78: Best feeling in the world?:
Abstract: love, happiness
Physical: geoff
79: Are you for world peace:
Yes,make love not war
80: Are you a health freak:
No
81: Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after:
No, not really.
82. You want someone you can't have?:
no
83: Are you lonely right now:
at the moment yes because im sick
84: Ever afraid you'll never get married:
no
85: Do you want to get married?:
yes
86: Do you want kids?:
Yes
::IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...::
87: Cried:
Yes.
88: Bought Something:
coffee and creamer, lunch, breakfast, i bought too much today
89: Gotten Sick:
yes i now have strep maybe... yay no health insurance
90: Sang:
yeah i sing a lot
91: Said I Love You:
yes
92: Wanted To Tell Someone You Liked them:
yes and i did
93: Met Someone:
a friend of my brothers
94: Moved On:
no but im over my job
95: Talked To Someone:
yes
96: Had A Serious Talk:
yes
97: Missed Someone:
Yeah, a few people
98: Hugged Someone:
ive hugged a lot of people
99: Yelled at Someone:
no
100: Thought About Someone You Can't Be with:
no |
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| im making a plan |
[Nov. 4th, 2007|11:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
plan for next week:
find a new job
quit my job
clean my room
talk to my teacher about getting a wf in math
research getting an interview with a special event coordinator
go to the museum
catch up on school work
live my life =/ |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2005|04:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | groggy | ] |
100 THINGS.... repost this with your answers:
::PAST::
1: First grade teacher:
Mrs. Howl
2: Last word you said:
yes
3: Last song you sang:
i dont know but im sure it was sublime
4: Last person you hugged:
Michael :)
5: ?
6: Last time you said I don't remember:
this morning talking about last night
::PRESENT::
9: What color socks are you wearing:
None
10. What's under your bed right now?
a monster
11: What time did you wake up today:
about 8:30am then i went back to sleep a few hours later because i was dizzy and cold
12: Current taste:
morning breath... its 4 pm
13: Current hair:
Lion main. roar
15: Current annoyance:
my headache
16: Current longing:
whatever drink jamie was making me last night.
17:current desktop background
this pretty green field and blue sky
18: Current worry:
failing all my classes
19: Current Hate:
4th period... creative writing
20: Current favorite article of clothing:
my new scarf. its really long and soft
21: Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex:
:) the opposite sex
22: Last cd you listened to:
a burned sublime cd because its all i ever listen to
23: Favorite place to be:
place where i fell loved
24: Least favorite place:
In an awkward situation.
25: Time you wake up in the morning?:
Mon-Thurs: 5:30am, Friday: 6:30, and the weekend changes depending
27: Favorite color(s):
black blue and purple
28: Do you believe in an afterlife:
yes
30: Current favorite word/saying:
your mom
31: Favorite book:
anything that makes me think or takes me away
32: Favorite season(s):
Winter
33: One person you wish u could talk to right now:
no one really
::FUTURE::
35: Where do you want to go for college?:
palomar for two years than an art school but im still not sure which one
36: What is your career going to be like:
hard at first then even harder if i get popular
37: How many kids do you want:
1
::HAVE YOU EVER...::
39: Said "I love you" and meant it (besides family):
yes
40: Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird, etc:
my cat hates me :/
41: Been to New York:
No
42: Been to Florida:
yes
43: Been to California:
nope never but i hear its real nice
44: Been to Hawaii:
yes and i hope to go back i just wish we didnt have to fly there
45: Been to Mexico:
yes and now i cant give blood
46: Been to China:
No
48: Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day?:
i dont think so but ive dreamed really mediocre things that happened the next day
52: Do you have a crush on someone:
yes i do :D
53: What book are you reading:
a smut book about sex and vampires and stuff ;)
54: What is the worst feeling in the world:
not having a time machine when you really need one
55:What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning:
meh
56: How many rings before you answer:
however many it takes me to get to my phone
59: Do you sleep with a stuffed animal:
yes and its absolutely adorable
64: Do you do drugs?:
yes
65: Do you drink:
hehehe yes and when i do my little voice that tells me to stop doing stuff goes to bed
67: What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use?
pantine
68: What are you most scared of:
being alone and scorpions
69: What clothes do you sleep in?
i dont really sleep in clothes very often unless i am really really tired
70: Who is the last person that called you:
well i dont know who called me last but i know that door text me last
71: Where do you want to get married?:
i dont really know
72: If you could change one thing about yourself what would that be:
my body
73. Who do you hate?
no one really but some people really really piss me off
74: Been In Love:
Yes.
75: Are you timely or always late:
i think im the only person who can show up to something early and manage to be late
76: Do you have a job:
yes
77: Do you like being around people?:
It depends with who, and he situation
78: Best feeling in the world?:
Abstract: Love, acceptance
Physical: being held by someone who loves me
79: Are you for world peace:
Yes,make love not war
80: Are you a health freak:
No
81: Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after:
No, not really.
82. You want someone you can't have?:
no
83: Are you lonely right now:
only sometimes when i start thinking to much
84: Ever afraid you'll never get married:
Sometimes
85: Do you want to get married?:
yes
86: Do you want kids?:
Yes
::IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...::
87: Cried:
Yes.
88: Bought Something:
yes i bought temporary tattoos for my sailor costume
89: Gotten Sick:
yes. i threw up on two of my friends now i feel bad :/
90: Sang:
yeah i sing a lot
91: Said I Love You:
yes
92: Wanted To Tell Someone You Liked them:
yes and i did
93: Met Someone:
yes but for the life of me i cant remember who it was i just know i did shots with him
94: Moved On:
not really
95: Talked To Someone:
yes
96: Had A Serious Talk:
yes too many friends with too much drama
97: Missed Someone:
Yeah, a few people
98: Hugged Someone:
ive hugged a lot of people
99: Yelled at Someone:
i think i yelled at people on production night but i didnt mean to i was just stressed
100: Thought About Someone You Can't Be with:
no |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2005|06:15 pm] |
1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor/color of jello to wrestle with you in.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 28th, 2005|10:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  in pain | ] |
jesus! my head hurts. its like this horrible... thing that strikes me right behind the ear and as i try to ignore it, it naggingly spreads throughout my head. my doctor keeps trying new medications and theories to get them to go away, she told me to try meditation but its really hard to concentrate on concentrating when you have the blob trying to suck your brains out through your ear. but anyway I'm going to take a few advil and try to go to sleep before i have to get up and go to morning practice... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2005|10:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
i shook my head as she kept opening her mouth. how dare she make that judgment! I'm trying to listen but all i hear is her contradicting herself, "killing is murder and murder is wrong no matter what." so i ask,"well, what about war?" "well thats different." she retorts in an all too snobby manner. I think to myself okay so its not okay to kill anyone but killing people in war doesn't count?! thats ridiculous! how can someone think this way?! My legs begin to shake as my anger rises. I need to do something in order to keep myself from smacking her. How can she see her view as right? i can smell the ignorance on her breath from across the room, she wreaks of naivety. i would just love to put her in a position where she would have to choose between life and death. she would stumble over her stupid ideals and find herself tasting her own inexperience.
just a little something i wrote for my creative writing class, and i kinda liked it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2004|08:15 pm] |
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my army of penguins could beat up your army of penguins |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2004|11:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
i feel really busy lately im kinda getting stressed, but i think the worst of it is over. wednesday night i watched the lunar eclipse with Gate it was really pretty, the moon turned all redish and stuff. Today was really long, it feels like two days... school was just really long and drawn out even tho i left early. found out that salena has to move out of her house so i spent some time helping her pack her room up. After that i went to Marna's memorial, it was weird because i felt uncomfortable around my old friends but connected because of how much the event meant to all of us. i cried at the end of it and stayed around for a while to give my condolences. it ment a lot to Sam and im glad that i could put a smile on his face even tho he's going though a lot. i didnt really talk to any body but im okay with that, sometimes i enjoy being ignored and left free to people watch. Everyone hugged be but nobody said anything i guess considering the situation i didnt really expect them to say anything. Sam quit smoking so im really proud of him.. he told me to call him but i dont think i can, its just really weird talking to him and being his friend and i dont think i know how, although i guess ill never learn if i dont call him...
Works was really busy tonight we stayed open until 10 it sucked but oh well better paycheck next week. my dad called me last week he invited me out to new mexico for christmas and i said no, i told him i promised my mom id stay here and that maybe id come out for a day or two before or after christmas. i dont know if he was upset but oh well i dont really care. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2004|09:39 pm] |
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i hate myself right now |
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| the essence of rain |
[Oct. 20th, 2004|06:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
if someone could bottle the rain and all of its essence and give it to me right now i still dont think id feel okay... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 28th, 2004|03:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
he shouldnt have been able to do that... i feel horrible... |
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| teddy bear blues |
[Sep. 20th, 2004|03:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | grumpy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the pond outside my window | ] |
i went to dylans birthday party today, he turned three... hes absolutely adorable and it was entertaining watching him beat up Draven. after a while i left because i had homework and i went to michael's. i spent some time on a drawing for wood shop but my neck was really bothering me so i never got around to doing anything else.i ended up falling asleep at around 10:30 and slept until midnight. i had a dream about being attacked by bees... i dont think i survived. anyway i got home and was completely awake so i decided to watch some movies, i just got done watching sweet november, so now im in a depressed,lonely, sleepy mood so im rambling i think ill try cleaning my room and put in empire records because i havent watched that in a really long time... i miss my teddy bear.
"do you think the story is already written or do you think a bold and courageous act can change the course of history?" |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 13th, 2004|05:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
cant fall asleep without you
wrap me in your sweet embrace
let me escape another day
just take me away
write me up a dream world
somewhere lovely
keep me warm and safe
hide me from this place
save me from my torment
just take my hand... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 28th, 2004|10:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jonny hollow | ] |
Come with me baby,
Please fulfil my wish
Show it to me truly,
Show me with a kiss.
Roses are red and
Violets are blue
Honey is sweet,
but not as sweet as you.
It´s invisible but, so touchable
And I can feel it on my body,
so emotional.
I´m on a ride, on a ride
I´m a passenger.
I´m a victim of a heart love messenger.
Dum di dia di da |
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| meatloaf |
[Aug. 15th, 2004|11:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | meatloaf | ] |
On a hot summer night,
would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
Will he offer me his mouth?
Yes.
Will he offer me his teeth?
Yes.
Will he offer me his jaws?
Yes.
Will he offer me his hunger?
Yes.
Again, will he offer me his hunger?
Yes!
And will he starve without me?
Yes..
Then does he love me?
Yes.
Yes.
On a hot summer night,
would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
Yes.
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